Diary

I got bored of sitting around and decided to actually learn code today. Can you believe it took me over 2 hours to make this website?? I've seen people make better in like... idk that time lol. I should be working on my cosplay today tbh, I need all the stuff for it done by the end of the month... I didn't even know it was February yet. I'm an idiot (╥﹏╥) I'm cosplaying my favorite character (Maybe I'll attach pictures here... ooh..), but tbh I should not be... coming from someone who gets hard talking about eyeballs, spending hours making my eyes more prominent isn't a great idea...(¬_¬")

I have so many projects to finish, but I could be writing toxic ghost x human yuri... and that sounds way more fun than. Whatever the fuck I have to do lolol ( ,,⩌︿⩌,,)... 

I actually have 2 leave 4 therapy in like 7 minutes.... I am not dressed, my bag is poured out on my desk, and I just finished a monster to add to the stimulants in me rn... I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!! It's state mandated tho .·°՞(っ-ᯅ-ς)՞°·. I have no choice... because they HATE me for NO REASON!!!! I mean they have a few reasons but.. like... NOT GOOD ONES LOLOL ´ཀ`

My therapist told me to try journaling, but I got carried away and basically wrote a good au of myself. Hopefully publicly journaling will use the power of public humiliation to keep that from happening..... but tbh I don't think I can GET humiliated. I mean I literally plan to use this blog thing for writing abt my disgusting fetishes... whaaateverrr :3 Ok I actually need 2 get ready so I'll update abt my day l8r (๑'ᵕ'๑)⸝* bye internet people inside my computerrrr

Today already sucks but it's ok (..◜ᴗ◝..)

I have so much I want to do today... but I need to clean up... (っ- ‸ - ς) I'm just a stupid little guy why do I have to have responsibilities... oughh I should move to the woods... I should throw away my whole life and go into the woods and never return and start a cult. Literally my dream life (╥ᆺ╥;). UghhHHH. FUCK MY STUPID LAMB LIFE!!!! 

I literally hate EVERYTHINGGGG!!! FUUUCK MY STUPID LIFE!!! Siggghhh it's ok. It's fine, at least I can be weird all day.

Last night one of my favorite artists noticed me in their notes on Tumblr... they said they love my mind bc of my username or smth... amazing things going on in my life ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ

I joined a clockwork orange animation collab... my oc is a little yumeship with Alex <3 they are very abusive and Alex is not the abuser ૮₍´ ꒳`₎ა I actually started writing a glasstration fic abt them... Alex deserves it it's fine. He deserves to have it all cut off, really... Gluskin style :3 Ngl I'd def do that to him..... I <3 forcefem I'm like Eddie if he was a cute lamb with a lotta eyes and a fetish for face holes (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵) I actually made an oc kind of based on Eddie! Ofc I can't show her off here because I don't wanna be found... hehe

This is probably gonna sound weird, but honestly I wish I could stalk my gf... she literally said she wants me to and I sooo wish I coulddd... oughhh and imagine if we WEREN'T dating and she had no idea I was stalking her.... fuuuck I WISH I HAD THOUGHT OF THAT B4 WE STARTED DATING!!!! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! I'M A STUPID IDIOT LAMB WITH A DUMB SPIDER BRAIN (ಡ‸ಡ) THIS IS WHY I TOTALLY SHOULDN'T BE ON MY OWN!! I should just be kept by a nice owner forever and ever and be allowed to bite and cling as much as I want (,,¬﹏¬,,) making a tiny lamb do adult people things is INUMANE and EVIL!!!! FREE ME!!!!!!!!

Literally ALL I WANT in life is to cuddle up to someone and lick their eye and leave little kisses on and around it and maybe bite their eyelid a bit but they'd let me because I'm literally such a cute little lamb and they just couldn't say no to me (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ I mean really who could ever say no to a dumb little baby lamb with huge big eyes that are the perfect size to be ripped out without any effort... mmghfkfhehehehe

Oughhh today I got peach monster,,, (っ˘ڡ˘ς)... I think that's why I was feeling violent and horny (as in more than usual)..... I was just very sleep deprived. But hey, I had more important things to do rather than sleep! Like... important stuff. Lotta important stuff, you know?

You know, I actually forgot to say that yesterday I found a crucifix at a thrift store :3 not that I'm a Christian (God, I'm not INSANE, think a LITTLE higher of me), but it's cute and I like crosses ok..? Ok.... good that we r in agreement(︶▽︶)  

Anywayyyyy I added a buunchhh of new buttons n stuff to my page >:) I need to add more Blake ones.... he's special ok he gets a few buttons ok?... Yk I really like the internet bc all the little people in the computer reading this have no idea if I'm just a loser or if I actually agree with everything I'm saying... ya'll have no idea of knowing if I'm a weird guy who spends all its time being a freak or if I'm out here taking a 2016 video game to heart and having mud orgies in a cave somewhere. And it doesn't matter if I tell you, because nobody really has any way of finding out! That's what I love about anonymity; maybe I am a disturbing freak who took a game too serious and now I'm killing people and having mud orgies and worshipping a woman who's way too close to being a mother figure to me to be fucking with, and you'll never ever know! Or I'm a weird loser cooped up in my house writing abt my life for strangers to read about, then doing nothing productive in my free time.... ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌ god knows, right?

I kinda wanna re-read exquisite corpse today..... the ending makes me cry every time... I told my gf it only made me cry the first time I read it, but the truth is, it makes me cry EVERY time. And if ur her stop reading bc I'm abt to talk abt it and U STILL NEED TO READ IT!!!!!! I'll like... add a stamp when u can come back

Killing off Jay was gen VILEEEEE like DON'T GET ME ATTATCHED THEN PULL THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS VILE AND INHUMANE!!! VIOLATING!!!!! AND NOT EVEN THE GOOD KIND OF VIOLATION!!!!!!!! THE BAD KIND!!!! THE NON-SEXUAL KIND!!!!!! I COULDN'T EVEN GET OFF TO THE END!!! (ಥ﹏ಥ) AND I FELT SO BAD FOR THEM!!!!! I also felt bad for Tran tho... I made an oc based on him so he lives on and all that <3 (he doesn't, the oc dies at like 19. Sorry Dieter) LOL. I just. Literally THE otp ever AND HE FUCKING!! DIED!!!!!! VIOLATING. 

Anyway so like... I might just re-read a clockwork orange instead..... or just read sub Easterman fics and self project.... again....... I rlllly need a life outside of sex and making internet posts tbh. Like rlllllly bad. Currently my life is sex, self harm, and posting on the internet about... sex and self harm LOLOL. I am going to a con soon so HOPEFULLYYYY that's fun... little nervous tho lowkey Σ(°ロ°)!!! like what if I'm the only one there in cosplay. BUT IF I DON'T WEAR IT, WHAT IF I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S NOT IN COSPLAY!! AND IF I DO, AND EVERYONE ELSE IS, WHAT IF MINE LOOKS SHITTY! Oh god what if nobody knows who I am bc I'll be wearing pjs. FUCKKKKK. But also like... if ur spending MINIMUM $50 on a horror con u GOTTA know what THE slasher ever is right?????? Am I even supposed to say the name on here. That's how I've been #found like 4 times now. I'm cosplaying my wife btw... I'm just gonna keep calling her Wife on here... anyway WHAT IF NOBODY KNOWS WHO SHE IS!! AND I LOOK LIKE A LAZY FUCK!! I'M NOT!!! Ughh fml fml fml fml. Yk I learned html JUST so I can spend hours typing bullshit like this for u strangers in my computer to read... entertaining the masses over here with my eye fetish..... I actually wanna give out eyeball keychains at the con.. I'm hand making them and I am VERY proud :3 I rlly hope people like them bc it takes me like 30 minutes to make just one and it's like rlllly hard and I have to focus rlly hard and I'm STUPID so I CAN'T focus rlly hard on things!! Ppl better love their stupid eyeball keychains or else I will DIE!!! I will HAVE A SEIZURE and DIE!!! GRRRGGHh!!!! I can't write shit with Gary staring at me. Idk how this will look on other people's screens but as I'm writing this, Gary is just... there. Staring. Ominously. Me when the giant Gary of doom and despair am I right guys? Guys.?? 

Would u guys believe that it's only 2 pm rn (technically 1:53 pm as I type this, actually...)? I got the entireee day to talk to u people... I feel like AM tbh. Everyone reading this is my little slug Ted. My little mouthless blobs ;3 Earlier I saw someone who constantly condemns any and all MENTION of BlakeVal say that LynnVal is lowkey cute and they never considered that. Uh. Same thing man. SAME THING! IT'S.THE SAME THING. Idc tho I like any ship with Val bc she's my mother and I'm ok with a step parent (even tho I don't think she's into monogamy but ok)... also I have soooo much shit to do today bc it keeps piling up but UGHHH I'D RATHER DIEEEE!!! If I was literally just living in the woods or a cave or something, writing a multiple page essay on some bullshit wouldn't be a fucking problem BUT NOOO SOCIETY IS IMPORTANT OR WHATEVER. FUCK MY STUPID LAMB LIFE!! I wasn't meant for society, society doesn't understand my beliefs... like that we should all love each other and I think more people need to be open to the idea of wearing nothing but mud and clay and also churches shouldn't exist and all Christians are probably suicidal (or they'd kill themselves if God told them to) so maybe we should all like stop teaching that? Everyone should just go live in the woods idgaf ౦０o ｡ (‾́。‾́)y~~

Yk, people always think I'm joking when I say stuff like that, but tbh, I'm not..... the world would be a billion times happier if everyone was just weird freak creatures and we all just gave up on humanity and did our own thing and I stand by that,,, like ur telling me the best way to solve the problems with society isn't just to get rid of society??? It's literally like the easiest solution ever.......

It's 9:42. I miss my wife. I miss my wife so fucking much. I hate everything WHYYYY CANT SHE LIVE HERE FMLFMLFMLFML UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It ok it ok yay. Yay! Ok. uhm Im literally on call with her rn LOLOL I'm gonna keep talking 2 her until 10:30 when my bedtime is bc I'm just a little guy and I would DIE if I didn't give myself a bedtime. A lamb u might say. Maybe like a lamb with really good eyesight. You know what causes good eyesight? Having lots of eyes. You know what has lots of eyes? Spiders. I'm LITERALLY a spider eyed lamb irl TRUSTTRUST TRUST GUYS YOU HAVE TO TRUST NO FACT-CHECK!!!!! GAHHHH!!!!!!!